I have been a revert for so very long. I have litterally lost my mind, and am trying to understand how in the name of God I could have lost my common sense to this religion/cult. Trust me I am by no means a docile woman.

As an African American woman, Islam seems that it is the way to complete racial liberation and then the fact that it creates a sense of superiority to others. -Women who don’t cover are loose and basically whores whose main desire is to seduce men and yes the birthplace of my home the West is so tarnished with its backward freedoms…I have all bought the Islamic ideologies hook line and sinker and did not question if I could get a return if it was defunct.

I feel sorry for my sisters who I know have been abused by husbands some with notable husbands of the deen…I find the polygamy case to be the most mentally abuse way to get a woman to feel less than and unworthy. -I am still choking on when my husband said he would get so many virgins in paradise and I would be there to still serve him – amazing I can now be there to watch you have your way with other women…but I was told that jealousy would be a thing of the past because jealousy and all of those other things would not be in the jennah.

I have been through the many sects of Islam beginning with the WD Mohammad community and then since that was not the “pure Al-Islam” I unknowingly came to As-Sunnah Al Salaaf. Litterally suffering but thinking this was my plight. I am hurting I am sad, confused, betrayed…simply I am angry…and then to top it off I feel guilty like I’m going to suffer in the hellfire for this.

If Allah does exist I ask for a pardon and I hope someplace in my heart…simply for freedom.

Take care all,
A former woman in Al-Islam
New York, NY

but here is a site of interest

http://www.pantheon.org/articles/a/allah.html

The curse of humanity is that it keeps on jumping from one certainty to another. I was Muslim, dead certain about Allah and all that. I see it not satisfying my intellect, and it’s bizzare rituals are self contradictory (as would be of any religion), so I testify there is no God and Mohammad is not my messenger. Outwardly looks great. But what has happened to the mind in the meantime? Has anything happened? Has it not operated in the same groove of certainty, only the details have changed. Is it not operating in the same mould now. Previously it was condemning infidels, now it is against fundamentalist. What it is now, is essentially the same mind, only reacting against the old details. And the mind which is moving from one certainty to another can always change the patterns. Once it sees the limitation of atheistic liberal society, it will once again be born again Muslim or Christian. Of course now, you can see that liberal society is free of all limitations, but that is just opinion.
And in all these certainties, the extraordinary reality, the mystery of it remains waiting to be explored. All it demands is to live with it, and not live in words and certainties.
It is remarkable to walk out of organized religions, the dogmas, the words. But it is important to ensure that mind does not get caught up in another certainties or words, and come face to face with that which we call life, existence, without the shield of words, without the mediation of organized religion- and Mohmmad is my prophet or MOhammad is not my prophet are both words. Equally fallacious are the ways of other who would be like wolves try to claim your soul, and so will be atheists. It is another thing to remain with fire of inquiry, never settling down for anything, forever remaining alert to wipe out every influence which countless humans will be very eager to heap upon.