As-salaamu ‘alaykum!

NOTE: As of September 26th, 2009, I am still an ex-Muslim and an atheist. Life is great! I occasionally check this blog but will not make any more posts. The blog will remain online for people to read my testimony. Thanks for visiting. Take care everyone!

Welcome to KHALAS! The primary objective of this site is to showcase the testimony detailing my experience with Islaam. I’m not much of a blogger, nor am I even talkative. Nevertheless, I hope you’ll read my testimony and comment.

I wasn’t born Muslim but had intentionally converted to the religionof Islaam. However, when doubt arose, I decided not to be passive in faith. Truthfully, I desperately wanted to remain Muslim. Eventually, I left Islaam and now vehemently question many aspects of the religion. In predominantly Muslim countries, adherents to Islaam unfortunately do not have the freedom of dissent. Apostates of Islaam are heavily persecuted in Muslim countries and usually face ostracization from their families and colleagues. Ex-Muslims living in an Islamic country, in accordance with Sharee’ah (Islaamic Law), are to be executed if they do not return to Islaam. Rather than be outspoken, most apostates have to dwell subdued in silence. Thus, their courageous stories remain untold. On behalf of those ex-Muslims under duress, I shall speak out.

Apostates of Islaam need to band together, to counter the Muslims that seek our demise. Even by creating just a blog with one post, you can make a difference. We need to speak out, band together, and create a momentous movement to promote our position and foster human rights. The latter is possibly our main cause.

We ex-Muslims stand together in solidarity against this particular ideology that blatantly solicits our fatality. There is much truth and good in the religion but, in all honesty, we find vices within it as well. Abandoning Islaam is an endeavour going against a Muslim’s senses and conveniences. The process entails shattering all traditions and patterns they’ve been accustomed to. For example, if a Muslim husband suddenly apostasies from Islaam, his marriage is rendered invalid, according to Sharee’ah (Islaamic law). How was Salman Rushdie treated and how is Kareem Amer being treated now? For the dissident, there is much sacrifice. And sometimes, we literally are the sacrificed! When told of a Muslim that had recently left Islaam, the Prophet Muhammad responded with “kill him.”

This blog has exceeded my expectations and has fulfilled many of the initiatives I’ve set out. However, the reality of the situation is that an apostate discards his/her religion for a reason. Whether it be for a newfound religion or ideology, most ex-Muslims gradually disappear into anonymity. Likewise, my calling is elsewhere as I have the opportunity to make a greater difference far afield. Challenging the fascists in the Muslim world is a great cause. A reformation of the Islaamic religion is only possible from within by, and not without, ardent Muslims who believe in Allaah, His Last Prophet, and a perfect Qur’aanic text. I will continue someway to work in coalition for human rights in the Muslim world and be of at least some service to the ex-Muslim community. With my minimal accomplishments as an apostate, I desire to journey forward and leave Islaam behind.


I dedicate this website to my sisters in Islaam.

32 responses

17 03 2007

Fantastic blog and quotes. Thanks.

7 09 2010

hi,glad that your on your way to freedom,here is a great forum which sprung up when the richard dawkins forum closed down,lots of discussions about faith,science or just to have some fun with like minded individuals,it helps not to feel so alone and to you muslims why don’t you have a look,see how watertight your argument for an existence of god really is..

this is the thread where your blog has been posted http://www.rationalskepticism.org/islam/i-left-islam-t12137.html

see you there,..and good luck!

9 04 2007

I find your writing bizarre in that you speak as someone still on the faith.
I don’t believe your search is over, nor your curiosity satisfied. You seem a vicitm of rationalisation and a picture of Islam bereft of spirituality and the Truth. The image of ‘god’ that you have concluded from Islam is so far from Reality, and perhaps if you would ask to understand you may yet find the peace and satisfaction of Knowing the Divine.
I am, of course, like any other Muslim, going to say you are mistaken. )

And what a totally bizarre concept to wear a name of servitude to Allah whilst proclaiming to have turned your back. My dear, you are full of contradiction, and so how will you see anything other than this unless you step outside of yourself and ask those who know.

Please take your questions of science and quran specifically to sunnipath.com and see your inadequacy as a giver of tafsir.

May there be some part of you still turned towards Allah that He may set you straight and heal you entirely. amin.
wa la hawla wa la quwwatta illa billa.

12 11 2013

100% agree muhiballah. May Allah guide you. Not sure of your gender… but also not sure what you mean by dedicating the site to your sisters in Islaam?

21 04 2007

My prayer for you is that you come to the knowledge and faith in Jesus Christ the only begotten son of God. He changed my life in an instant and he can do that for you and you definitely know that you are bound for heaven. When you accept Him into your life you will definitely know you have been touched by God the Father and no one I repeat no one can take that experience and knowledge and peace from you. I have seen this miracle happen to all manner of people and from all walks of life.r.p.

8 06 2007
Rehan Syed

(I will not greet you with Assalamu a’laikum as you are not eligible)
Abdul Quddus, May the Almighty Allah swt bless you by guiding to the way of Jannah. Insha Allah we’ll meet soon.

Rehan syed.

26 11 2007

“Welcome to KHALAS! My name is Abdul-Quddus and I’m a former Islamic fundamentalist turned born-again atheist. In the summer of 2004, I abandoned Islaam as my religion. I testify that there is no deity worthy of worship and that Muhammad is not my messenger.”

The curse of humanity is that it keeps on jumping from one certainty to another. I was Muslim, dead certain about Allah and all that. I see it not satisfying my intellect, and it’s bizzare rituals are self contradictory (as would be of any religion), so I testify there is no God and Mohammad is not my messenger. Outwardly looks great. But what has happened to the mind in the meantime? Has anything happened? Has it not operated in the same groove of certainty, only the details have changed. Is it not operating in the same mould now. Previously it was condemning infidels, now it is against fundamentalist. What it is now, is essentially the same mind, only reacting against the old details. And the mind which is moving from one certainty to another can always change the patterns. Once it sees the limitation of atheistic liberal society, it will once again be born again Muslim or Christian. Of course now, you can see that liberal society is free of all limitations, but that is just opinion.
And in all these certainties, the extraordinary reality, the mystery of it remains waiting to be explored. All it demands is to live with it, and not live in words and certainties.
It is remarkable to walk out of organized religions, the dogmas, the words. But it is important to ensure that mind does not get caught up in another certainties or words, and come face to face with that which we call life, existence, without the shield of words, without the mediation of organized religion- and Mohmmad is my prophet or MOhammad is not my prophet are both words. Equally fallacious are the ways of other who would be like wolves try to claim your soul, and so will be atheists. It is another thing to remain with fire of inquiry, never settling down for anything, forever remaining alert to wipe out every influence which countless humans will be very eager to heap upon.

17 05 2010

brother u hv mis under stood islaam…. u hv actually got wt 2days muslim is nt wt islaam is…u cn send ur queries to me n i vil try to ans them inshahallah.

8 06 2008

Once you left this religion, then leave it yourself, change your name into Kaafir name, live as Kaafirs, for you your religion, for us our religion..Allah has taught us what to tell to Kaafirs in surat Al-Kafiruun (Quran: 109)
May Allah save us from such people like you.

9 08 2008

My god doesn’t this upset people to hear someone speak about their own expieriences!
I am also a deconverted-converter or murtad as you might also know it. I’m 22, a female with kids and am running from an extremist husband who doesn’t know I have committed the ultimate shirk yet. Like you I am grieving for my islam although I must say I am also rejoycing in my new-found freedom! The thing I miss about islam is the brainlessness I guess of having everything set out in order – pray now, walk like this, eat like that blah blah blah and the feeling of being close to allah… now I don’t know what to do with myself as I still get urges to worry about burning forever in jehannam for all of my sins. Thanks for telling us your story, you are truly a lightpost in the darkness for me,
btw – are you still keeping your murtadeenism a secret from those around you or have you come out of the closet so to speak?

17 05 2010

allah has given us brain to recognise wts wrong n wts right. a balance helps us to measure hw much to hv or hw much to bring. cheak urself the eg,s in quraan n hadit n compare dat vid mordern science , socity. laws n etc. n find wt is d logic y allah want us to do so. nt for his benifit bt every time it woud be good 4r us. 4rm segrigation of sexes(in order to protect females 4rm being molestd, harrased, etc) vailing sytem to protect women 4rm evil eyes. to day to day scientific knowledge….. its we people who r illogical , ignorent. nt our allah he has logic 4r every single thing,, contact me if hving any doubt…abt islaam with proper jstification n logic i vil try to prove my allahs view by his bounty n grace.. as, he hs provided me good logic allhamdulilah… ds is my email id.. obaid1036mfc@gmail.com

27 02 2014

If the sheer ignorance, arrogance, intolerance racism and sexism in the Muslim community doesn’t turn you away, being preyed on by perverted men who want to fulfill their American girl fantasies/get citizenship will… (that would be YOU Obaid.)

15 09 2008

This guy is a complete joker who never understood what it is to be a muslim and comes to conclusion by looking at how some mulsims are living.

29 12 2008

Dear friend, being born on earth gets us the right to know who we are ? And this thirst can only be quenched by knowledge. Real wisdom lies in knowledge. Religion can be something that can be created but truth and knowledge can not be created and they exist eternally. God is the source to everything in the same way an ocean is the source of water and same water we find in tiny berries, in all vegetables, in all animal life and as well in rocks etc , in air and almost everywhere. that water is present in you too. In the same way God is present in everything and in you too as well. One does not have to become some one or embrace some thing or go some where or learn some special languages to understand or to know HIM, The Your True Self. Any try in this regard is just a step in the direction that concretes the thought that what you believe in is not omnipotent and omniscient as well.

17 05 2010

wt u waana say i didnt got sorry…!

29 12 2008

Truth can not come to someone standing on a particular plateform. Dissociate yourself from all those identities and when one is without any one of these, knowledge starts sprouting. On the contrary on earth we run for identities and these identites work as veil to our truest only identity.

5 01 2009
Abu Dajana

Get lost you kaafir

17 05 2010

brother dont say such thing to any 1 .. its wt islaam teaches us if any 1 being bad to u still think 4r his betterment… letus prey 4r him that may allah get him well n also enhance his n our eemaan to its full capacity …aaamin

2 05 2009

Sorry the top half of the previous post was lost

but here is a site of interest


5 08 2009
Sis. Halima

I can not give my email address. I litterally have renounced my faith only last night to my son, who is happy for my decision to think for myself.

I have been a revert for so very long. I have litterally lost my mind, and am trying to understand how in the name of God I could have lost my common sense to this religion/cult. Trust me I am by no means a docile woman.

As an African American woman, Islam seems that it is the way to complete racial liberation and then the fact that it creates a sense of superiority to others. -Women who don’t cover are loose and basically whores whose main desire is to seduce men and yes the birthplace of my home the West is so tarnished with its backward freedoms…I have all bought the Islamic ideologies hook line and sinker and did not question if I could get a return if it was defunct.

I feel sorry for my sisters who I know have been abused by husbands some with notable husbands of the deen…I find the polygamy case to be the most mentally abuse way to get a woman to feel less than and unworthy. -I am still choking on when my husband said he would get so many virgins in paradise and I would be there to still serve him – amazing I can now be there to watch you have your way with other women…but I was told that jealousy would be a thing of the past because jealousy and all of those other things would not be in the jennah.

I have been through the many sects of Islam beginning with the WD Mohammad community and then since that was not the “pure Al-Islam” I unknowingly came to As-Sunnah Al Salaaf. Litterally suffering but thinking this was my plight. I am hurting I am sad, confused, betrayed…simply I am angry…and then to top it off I feel guilty like I’m going to suffer in the hellfire for this.

If Allah does exist I ask for a pardon and I hope someplace in my heart…simply for freedom.

Take care all,
A former woman in Al-Islam
New York, NY

17 05 2010

Sis. Halima
ds is nt d fact wh u r feeling … actualy if u want to marry more dan 1 women 4r dat a muslim man need to hv consent 4rm existing wife…. n in janah if men vil b givn hoorz women vil b also given d counter to dm .. n its ur wish wh vil b there. u wount b abondoned byu any rule there…. becoz janat or janah vil b a reward 4rm ur lord to u…. n his reward will b d best of all …

28 05 2010
Mohammed Iqbal Kader

It is with sadness that I have to say that Abdul Qudus and Halima have not gained any knowledge of Islam which is evident by their unintellectual comments made about the divine religion. How can such people ever claim to have been Muslims. I think they are agents of the Kuffar pretending to be ex-muslims. There were many hypocrites from the time of Prophet Mohammed SAW who spoke ill of Islam because their hearts were closed to seeking knowledge. If Islam is not for you then leave it to the intellectuals who find peace in it, and you have a right to carry on with your lives. My advice to you is to change your names to something suitable for hypocrites like yourselves and no hang on to something that is not for you. I pity your loss. I declare Allah is the greatest and I love Islam and its high moral and social values.

20 06 2010

<> .سورة آل عمران – سورة 3 – آية 7

20 06 2010

Allah is the One Who has sent down to the Prophet the Book that contains muhkamat ayat, which are the foundation of the Book, and other ayat  which are mutashabihat. Those who have perversity in their hearts, they follow the mutashabihat ayat seeking discord and searching for unbefitting meanings based on their delusions. No one knows their true meanings except Allah and those who are firmly rooted in the knowledge of the Religion. The latter say, “We believe in it, all of it is from our Lord and none will understand the message except men of comprehension…

9 10 2010
Mohammed Al-Ein

From Saudi Arabia, I say hello and tell you that your story is so inspiring to me. Living under the theocracy of Islam has shown me all I need to know about this violent faith and evil prophet. You are brave for having left him. I have done the same and have convinced my brother and wife to leave the cult as well.

Pray for us, my country and my people who suffer from Islam.

20 12 2010

I’m really surprised there is so few comments here. I would have hoped for more. Anyway. I agree that many people blindly follow religion. I agree that many people misunderstand and commit abuses and claim some justification in their religion. With so many people you will always have various perspectives, oppressors, ignorant blind followers, simplistic minded people, etc. But no one can deny that Islam has been the religion of most advanced intellectual discussions and it is the religion of moderate well balanced people. The core of religion has more strength in it (meaning it appeases us intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually) than any other religion in the world. The things outside of the core – like the verses you picked at and misunderstood really (since you understood it outside of the intellectual tradition of Muslims that has been around for 1400 years to ensure accuracy and ease for those trying to understand the religion), or the hadiths on very specific issues that would be considered more of outliers should not suddenly make you doubt your religion, but rather only spur your intellectual curiosity to find out the real Islamic answer – and if your heart is still shaking because you don’t like it then it doesn’t still mean that it takes you out of the religion – rather a person waits, tries to develop further understanding, or admits that he just doesn’t feel that way … i think leaving islam for those who are admitting such is rooted in losing the way of balance like for instance out of excessive fear of the Hellfire. Though the intellect will immediately find exceptions to every thought, so even if you understood that you are fearing too much for your own good (mind, body, and spiritual health), your intellect will tell you: “can you fear Hell enough?” or “so do you mean to minimize your fear of such a thing which deserves utmost fear” and it will throw you deeper into fear, anxiety, and dislike of these thoughts which probably will only increase the thoughts … but even though intellectually in Islam we must believe in the existence of the Hellfire we must also believe in the existence of a Merciful Lord … so when our fears lead to excessive anxiety which turn us away from our religion we should feel helpless in front of our Lord for these thoughts and try to seek comfort in Him and speak to Him in private – asking Him “Oh Lord I find myself being driven from the religion, but Praise You save me from the Hellfire despite myself” and the very fact that you gained such anxiety from these thoughts is cause for your Lord to look at you with even more Mercy, because believe me He doesn’t want you to suffer in His religion, so just wait till on the Day of Judgement He will tell you to stop thinking so much and that you no longer have to suffer and you will be safe with Me because I will keep you far away from that which caused you distress … there is a saying in Islam that the better you think of Allah the better He will treat you – it is encouragement to think better and better of Him because not doing so will lead one to feel hopeless … always remember the analogy of the bird whose body is LOVE and whose wings one is FEAR and the other is HOPE … with an imbalance of FEAR on one side (even if you truly think it cannot possible be enough fear) the fact that the HOPE aspect is missing is what will cause one to tumble down into anxiety and wanting to escape from the religion … but with proper balance you won’t feel clutched by the religion and you must try to develop it for your own mental health and well being and know that Allah wants you to feel good and not bad … utilize the things He revealed to us in the religion for your betterment and as tools to get closer to Him and closer to peace … sometimes you gotta pick up one tool and drop another for a while so you can work on yourself – your masterpiece … hope my words bring comfort ….


21 05 2011
aasima muhammad

aslam alikum!
im really very surprised that y r u all answering thm they r d people who just want to spread disturbance among muslims n want ununity in muslims.
just leave thm focus on preaching islam and act good deeds.
thses people are not from even us becoz we r nt very firm muslims bt not as bad as they are.
so leave thm.

27 05 2011

You are a Bustard, not less then that.

4 07 2012

Suppor and respect for you. Namaste!

4 10 2012

according to http://www.apostatesofislam.com/apostates.htm you are a Buddhist, can you clarify ?

21 05 2015

While the beginning of the present century marked the
rise of ideologies, its end witnessed their downfall.
We know that these ideologies which raised a lot of
hope have failed to deliver the goods. The philosophies proclaiming
Utopian dreams of a world of equality and the economic
system promising a brave new world have found its place in the
dustbin of history. Countries which once embraced these ideologies
have started throwing them out fully convinced of their
unreal and impractical nature. Both Communism and Capitalism
have practically failed, and so man is in search of an ideology
which is hundred percent practical and which can lead to the liberation
of mankind.
Men seeking the path of liberation stray into different areas.
The ultra materialists begin to learn about religion from religions
based on priesthood. Infact materialism and priestly religions are
two extremes of degeneration. While the former considers man
as a mere animal, the latter claims to elevate him to an angel. Man
who is a special creation is brought down to the level of mere
animal in the studies made by such ideologies and this has invari-
ably led to the failure of these ideologies. On the other hand
priestly religions while claiming to take him to the high pedestals
of angels destroy the human aspect in him. The question of
liberation becomes quiet relevant here. No one now believes that
transfer of power from one to another will lead to liberation. All
agree that transformation of the society and country can be
effected through the individual. But the fact remains that most
people fail to define the nature of changes to be brought about in
the individual.
As we have pointed out above it is neither correct nor feasible
to treat man as a mere animal or to make him an angel. What
is necessary is that he should transform himself to a real human
being, man should be able to differentiate himself from animal.
He should be prepared to eschew evil thoughts. Basic evil characteristics
consist of pride, selfishness, chicanery, badness, cruelty,
hypocracy, petty mindedness etc. Evil actions originate from
all these. When the individuals are liberated from such evils the
society and the nation prosper. Fraternity, good behaviour, affection,
helpfulness, mercy and such qualities trigger to social transformation
which in turn liberates mankind.

21 05 2015

Islam is a religion, a religion in the full sense of the term.
Islam is introduced by God as “Deen’’. Qur’an introduces Islam
as Deen from God. The best translation of the Arabic word `Deen’
is religion. The meaning of the term religion when applied to Is-
lam is to be clearly understood as it is different from what secularists
and spokesmen of established religions call religion. The
western secular concept of religion that it should be confined to
the church and the rosary beads is foreign to Islam. The philosophy
of established religions that it is the duty of religions to carry
out orders of the church and the clergy does not agree with the
precepts of Islam. What Islam does is the transformation of every
field of human activity in consonance with the dictates of God.
Religion, in the sense of Islam, is all comprehensive and it covers
every aspects of human life the individual, family, society and
politics. Islam does not give license to do what ever one likes. In
other words it is improper to define Islam as a religion with its
casual meaning.
It is also not correct to bring Islam down to the level of a
mere ideology in the sense of `a way of life’. Islam is not enamoured
by such ideologies which raise hopes of charming and beautiful
world of utopian dreams. The foundation of Islam is laid on
the belief in the world to come. The concept of life that the
reward for the deeds should be available in this world itself is
entirely opposed to Islam. According to certain ideologies the idea
of life after death is not only a myth but also reactionary. According
to Marxism which was described by Freidrich Nietzche as the
philosophy of present century, the very concept of life after death
is a lethal narcotic administered on a society built on heaven on
earth. Islam views the world hereafter as a powerful instrument
capable of transforming the world and as the ultimate transformation,
answer to the entire question relating to the very existence of
man. As distinct from secular ideologies which run after worthless
dreams Islam basically calls for action to succeed in life hereafter.

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