I Left Islam

16 03 2007

Journey Through Islam
The testimony of a former convert to Islam
By: Abdul-Quddus

I’m often asked, despite knowing the pros and cons of Islaam, why would a Westerner embrace a religion they hated? Though surrounded by believers, while growing up as a child, I was essentially an agnostic. I pondered that, if this Creator actually existed, an unbiased investigation was needed to discover who He was and what He wanted from me. The following testimony is a trustworthy account of a journey through Islaam.

I was raised by non-practicing Christians who immigrated to Canada from an anonymous country near the Caribbean. In the beginning, our family would occasionally attend Sunday’s church services. However, my mother later realized that her husband’s inattention and son’s rebellious behaviour during the sermons conveyed an undeniable expression of disbelief. Considering we had more nominal believers in the household, our church visits as a family unit slowly withered and then finally ended abruptly.

To my adolescent mind, the deity of the Judeo-Christian faith baffled me. I would curse the Biblical God, who although was once supposedly involved in human affairs, for now being idle during all the injustice and suffering I saw rampant in my world. However, following the blasphemous utterance, I’d immediately reprimand myself. To battle my agnosticism, during age twelve, my parents gave permission for the public school to have myself proselytized to by a Christian minister. In an experiment that would likely be illegal today within public school walls, a few other parents consented and we children were in the library being handed a red book labeled ‘The New Testament’. This book I would soon abuse with a black-ink marker with obscenities and my scissors. Without any guidance or education, I was left confused about God, albeit, the Judeo-Christian interpretation of the being.

Beside from my almost quasi-religious upbringing, early in my youth I had close contact with a conservative Christian family that would subsequently influence my behaviour and thinking. One of their boys was my age and I would never find a closer companion and friend in life like him. Originally from Newfoundland, the father was a minister and both husband and wife had a zealous demeanor towards their sons. To my shock, even uttering “damn” in their home was reprehensible and would bring chastisement. The mother always fed me as if I were her visiting nephew, even though we were not related by blood. Aside from my immediate family, from these people I perceived love and friendship. Although disciplined and strict, the warmth and compassion received from this God-fearing family I would consider ideal and exemplary in a world void of.

As a teenager, an encounter with a Jehovah’s Witness introduced me to another kind of believer. While waiting at a bus-stop, standing beside myself was a woman who suddenly began preaching to me from her copy of the Bible. Throughout the pages, her penned notes around the verses, which accumulated over the years, caught my interest. In order to approach a complete stranger in this manner, she must surely have believed in her religion, I thought. The sense of purpose and spiritual fulfillment she seemed to receive from her religious practice would plant a seed on my own spiritual path.

During my mid-teenage high school years, I developed a severe clinical depression that would endure for many years affecting my religious perspective. My social and academic life became strained and eventually I found myself dropping-out of high schools repeatedly. During one early morning, I came across Nightlite Live, a call-in television show about prayer, repentance, and salvation. The messages of hope from the counsellors were candy for the downtrodden folk and I would frequently view the program. I resonated with the despondent callers. This Christian-owned television station CTS was balanced and tolerant enough to allot program space for other religions faiths in order to reach their adherents. The hope I was receiving from these Christian ministers watered that planted seed given earlier by the Jehovah’s Witness preacher. My clinical depression would become propellant for a now unequivocal spiritual endeavour.

Browsing through a CD-ROM encyclopedia, I came across the section on ‘Religion’ and would gravitate towards the entries on Buddhism. The biographies of the world’s religious figures was a favourite read but I then attempted to educate myself on doctrine and theology. An upbringing of Christianity could not motivate me, however, the gnostic perspective on the Gospel almost renewed a passion for Christ. The Baha’i Faith, being fairly new compared to other organized religions, was difficult to view as anything but a cult eclectically borrowing from a multitude of sources. The idea of a direct and transcribed communication with God, along with a photograph of the Arabic verses, ignited an interest in Islaam but my agnostic mindset squashed it within days. Hinduism offered nothing that Buddhism couldn’t deliver and, to my knowledge, even absorbed many elements of Buddhism. From the outside, Sikhism appeared steeply cultural and as a hybridization of Hinduism and Islaam. Daoism intrigued me for a brief period, but I later discarded the philosophy because it seemed to lack direction and purpose. From a comparative analysis of the world religions, the path of Buddhism and it’s founder resonated with me deeply and seemed closest to an absolute truth I’ve been searching for.

I would return to the character of Siddhartha Gautama, who I resonated with personally. According to my comprehension, his character was impeccably ideal and his dispensation faultlessly moral and rational. Buddhism had profound wisdom, encouraged independent thinking, discouraged blind faith, was not exclusive but inclusive for all humankind, and could be practiced without the superstitious beliefs abound in other religions. With an agnostic and/or atheistic temperament, and a leaning towards scientific inquiry than blind faith, Buddhism seemed befitting. Influenced by my discoveries in the encyclopedia, I would pursue a devout Buddhist practice that would last six years.

However, for reasons and causes unbeknownst to me then, the Buddhist practice that once filled my life with meaning and purpose would meet with disenchantment. I would perform quadrupled fasts each month for uposatha, an occasion dedicated for intense discipline, doctrinal study, chanting and reflection. The duration of each fast spanned from noon until the next day, with a break in between for plain tea. Although most Buddhists partaking in this observance would be at the temple, I eventually chose the confines of my bedroom in isolation. My withdrawal from public life and anti-social behaviour would be the result stemming from a surging illness of clinical depression. The total lack of guidance from engaging mentors, and sole reliance on inanimate books for my religion stifled my inspiration and I began to experience disenchantment.

In retrospect, if it were not for a family member converting to Islaam, I would likely have not embraced it myself. Having a lost loved one unanticipatedly reappear and noticeably dedicated to this Arab “cult” would spark my curiosity. Recent terrorist campaigns overseas by Muslim extremists were escalating and the need to understand the Muslim perspective was paramount. My obligation to reconnect with my sibling would contribute Islaam to affect my own religious experience.

Out of curiosity of Muslims, belief in Islaam, and fear of Allaah, I considered the process of converting to Islaam to become Muslim. Beforehand, I’d been a mild opponent of Abrahamic religions. After an exigent probing of Islamic websites, inconceivably, I was mesmerized. Islaam wasn’t a cult, but a rich faith tradition that rivalled all others. I highly regarded the comradeship of the ummah (Muslim community), clarity of the Qur’aanic text, and simplicity of the religion for the adherent. I brought myself to open the Qur’aan, beginning with page numeral uno, Soorah al-Faatihah. Islaam seemed created in a competently organized fashion. Allaah (Arabic; lit. The God) was distinguishably one and without partnership. Understandably, all those sincerely contemplating on converting to Islaam have already accepted theism over atheism. The primary attraction to Islaam was not in geometric Arabesque art, Islaamic-inspired calligraphy and architecture, the constant argumentatious fights over Middle Eastern politics, nor the latest innovative model of hookah. No question about it, on the minds of all sincere converts to Islaam was tawheed (monotheism, affirmation of the Oneness and Uniqueness of Allaah).

In the past, I had encountered some uncompromising critics who vigorously presented explosive accusations on Islaam and the character of Prophet Muhammad. I was not unfamiliar with the charges of pedophilia, genocide, thievery, rape, and murder. Supposedly, Islaam was a barbaric cult stuck in seventh-century Arabia bereft of human rights and with a disavowal for advancement. Initially, as a kaafir (unbeliever), I had accepted some of the charges as true and was perhaps an “Islamophobe.” However, once I held a belief in Allaah and an admiration for Islaam, any propaganda or criticism could easily be dismissed as an undertaking to discredit the religion. I bared in mind that all organized religions harboured objectionable and disagreeable content, at least in the eyes of some. I was given a sanitized version of Islaam by moderate Muslims and read merely segments of the Qur’aan in English translation. Naturally, I felt compelled to fully trust the Muslims’ explanations since a selected few had the monopoly on this Arabic revelation from God. I decided to reject any subconscious Islamophobic mentality, ignore all anti-Islaamic subject matter, and solely submit myself to brainwashing

Despite having close friendships with Muslims, my initial exposure to Islaamic subjects was via cable television. Airing on VisionTV, a nationwide Canadian multifaith and multicultural television network was a program called ‘Journey Through Islam’. Using material from the Islamic Information Service (IIS) based in California, this one-hour show featured conversion testimonials, documentries, interviews with scholars and thinkers (Maher Hathout, Muhammad Asad, Muzammil Siddiqi, Jamal Badawi, John Esposito, Yusuf Estes, Yusuf Islam, Hamza Yusuf, etc.), and snippets from Harun Yahya’s cunning videos on Creationism. Another program was ‘Let The Qur’an Speak’ by Shabir Ally which featured mostly Qur’aanic lectures and interviews. ‘Reflections on Islam’ by Ezz E. Gad and ‘Call of the Minaret’ by Steve Rockwell also were influential to my indoctrination. Besides the wealth of Islaamic programs on VisionTV, the Christian CTS network aired ‘Islam Today’ with host Bashir Khan and ‘The Muslim Chronicle’ hosted by Tarek Fatah. Both programs featured local interviews, documentaries and educational material. With this wealth of Islaamic education, my heart and mind was won.

But by far, the most stimulating and persuasive piece of all was footage of a talk (titled: ‘Glorious Qur’an, The Liberator’) delivered in 1987 by Yusuf Islam (formerly the pop singer Cat Stevens) at the University of Houston wherein he spoke of the Prophets and their struggle to present the same revelation to mankind. With a pointed index finger and green Qur’aan in hand, he spoke with profound meaning, contentment, spirit, composure and enlightenment. His gift left me in awe and craving what a billion Muslims possessed; a sense of purpose.

With assistance from cunning Muslim proselytizers, I deprogrammed my acquired beliefs and swallowed the da’waganda. After one converts and embraces this religion, all previous sins will be blotted out. Even the name ‘Islaam’ (submission, to the will of God) seemed truthful and posed actual meaning; the other religions were either named after a man or tribe. Apparently, the Jews were strict monotheists but had rejected Jesus, while the Christians accepted Jesus but then rejected Muhammad. At the time, Islaam seemed a sure option as “Judaism was for Jews” and Christianity had the “polytheistic” Trinity. One common point delivered repeatedly to me was how only in Islaam had a revelation been absolutely preserved in its original language uncorrupted. No brilliant criticisms of Buddhism were given; no Muslims knew what the Buddha actually taught. As I became increasingly impressed with the Islaamic position on theism, Buddhism seemed odd with its absence of an omnipotent Creator God and obscure purpose for man’s existence. I saw the superb design pervasive throughout creationism that pointed to a higher intelligence. Coupled with clinical depression and a loss of conviction, I became disillusioned with Buddhism. Vegetarianism became too strenuous to endure. If Allaah willed meat for our consumption, and I disagreed by being a vegetarian, it would put me with the munafiqeen (hypocrites) since I would be protesting to have more knowledge than Allaah al-Hakeem (the Most Wise). With Islaam, I could return to succulent meat-eating dinners and abandon my daunting dream of becoming a monk. However, now that I was admonished with threats by al-Qur’aan, I was fearing Hellfire for believing yet denying the revelation simultaneously.

Harbouring an aversion for a decadent Judaeo-Christian modernity, believers born into Christianity began to search for meaning elsewhere. The prevailing vehicles facilitative to escaping a sinking Western society were usually Buddhism, Islaam, and secular humanism. Islaam, “the fastest growing religion,” was an ubiquitous mantra. The vast majority considered converting to Islaam following a relationship with a Muslim. When an empathetic accord with a Muslim peer ensued, exposure to Islaam increased in addition to curiosity while submerging into a foreign culture. The media’s popular portrayal of Islaam would be contradictory with a first-hand experience with Muslims. Western society seemed to degrade women as exploitable objects while Islaam offered a woman security and respect. When juxtaposed to our Christian environment, adherents to Islaam exhibited uppermost consciousness of God; they appeared pietistic to the halaal (permissible) and apathetic to the haraam (impermissible). The foremost decisive factor captivating soul searchers to Islaam was aversion for and disillusionment with the West or dunyaa (this temporal world, as opposed to the Hereafter).

While home alone contemplating and pacing repeatedly back and forth, I sensed my existence in jeopardy and so decided to plunge into Islaam wholeheartedly. I rode my bicycle to the local masjid (mosque) with the ulterior motive of requesting books. The Islaamic building was a fortress, surrounded by concrete and brick walls and metal gates. Since the main entrance was sealed off by a barrier, I attempted to access the masjid through the car entrance. The building’s rear had an entrance for “Sisters Only” so I ran away with lightening speed. Through another entrance, I wandered about searching for the masjid office. Inside that office, while looking at the security-camera monitors, I awaited assistance while noticing the unclean and disorganized mess. A middle-aged committee member approached me, a man that would later order me to come to the masjid everyday. I received some moderate Islaamic material and a Yusuf Ali translated Qur’aan. Out of fear of Hellfire, and with a growing belief in Islaam, I confessed that I wanted to say the shahaadah (declaration of faith). It was either during ‘Asr (mid-afternoon) or Maghrib (sunset) prayer that I sat on the floor and viewed the men prostrate in prayer. Just as the speaker announced a statement, someone grabbed my hand and then guided me to the front. The Pakistani imaam asked if anyone was forcing me to convert, to which I replied negative. He recited with me, in Arabic and English, the shahaadah (declaration of faith – “There is no deity but Allaah, Muhammad is His Messenger”). An individual yelled “Takbeer!” This signalled the congregation to chant “Allaahu akbar!” (Allaah is the Greatest) two more times. A procession formed wherein everyone anticipated to hug the new Muslim. After the ceremony, I felt frightened, extremely drained, and disorientated.

At the end was a fully bearded Muslim in Islaamic wardrobe who asked the committee member of my previous religion. When told of my Buddhist past, he scorned twice, “So he’s a loser? So he’s a loser?” After mocking my conversion, he offered a hug. I later learned that he viewed me as an idolater that could never make it to jannah (paradise). According to al-Qur’aan, Allaah will never forgive shirk (associating partners with Allaah) and “And whoever seeks a religion other than Islaam, it will never be accepted of him, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers.” (3:85) On my first day as Muslim, even before taking my first steps, I encountered fitnah (trials, tribulations, sedition). The Muslim that chastised me, who was perhaps of the Salafiyoon, never was seen again.

I was led into the masjid office to sign a document testifying to my Islaamic faith, in case I wanted to perform hajj (pilgrimage) and needed verification in Saudi Arabia. Then, I was given a prayer mat, many Islaamic books and Syed Abu-Ala Maududi’s Arabic-English Qur’aan with his famous commentary. This was a totally different ideology given to me before they knew I was “with them” and not simply interested in studying the religion as a kaafir (unbeliever).

My parent’s reaction to the conversion was tolerant, to say the least. After two days as a Muslim, I approached them in our living room and uttered, “Mom, Dad, I have something to tell you. You won’t get angry, will you?” When they said no, I replied, “I’m a Muslim.” The excitement from their faces quickly vanished. Regardless, they responded with tolerance and acceptance, saying, “Are you sure? If it’s what you want, it’s your decision.”

With Islaam my only obligation, the following year after my conversion was devoutly productive. As a high school drop-out without employment, all my energy was dedicated to worship Allaah and learning the deen (religion, way of life). Day and night, I resided at the local masjid. In my Arabic class, the teacher remarked about me, “I’ve never seen anyone learn it this quick.” I grew my beard unshaven like the Prophet, studied the Qur’aan and ahaadeeth, would pay zakaat, give sadaqah, sawm during Ramadaan, walk by foot to the masjid, perform all the fard, sunnah, waajib, nafl, dua’a prayers, and basically do everything right down to Islaamic toiletry etiquette. Successfully, I gave da’wah (missionary activity to invite others to Islaam) and converted people to the religion. My conversion testimony was being read on Islaamic websites. Most reverts were often paraded around as tokens. As trophy Muslims, our conversion to the religion apparently was validation for the insecure Muslims born into the faith that Islaam was true. Before going to sleep, I sincerely yelled, “Ya Allaah (Oh Allaah)! I am a Muslim. Alhamdulillah (Thanks to Allaah), I am safe and secure now. Don’t you dare ever leave the deen, boy! You’re going to jannah (paradise)!”

Over time, certain individuals were introduced to me that changed the course of my journey. Being a revert (convert) and impressionable, I was vulnerable prey and acquainted with predators. After taking shahaadah, I was given many telephone numbers for contacts. The first contact being from a brother named Yusuf eagerly seeking my attendance to reinstate a revert support group dismantled after the founder left the country. I’d encounter numerous brothers attempting to recruit me into their organizations. My hesitation to partake in many activities perhaps saved my life. The claims by brothers who left us for “Arabic studies” or “humanitarian work” overseas caught my suspicion. Some actually went for jihaad; one brother returned very depressed from qitaal (warfare, fighting) in Iraq. Yet, even with all precautions, the dreadable risk of having “tea with terrorists” supervened. When over a dozen Muslims were arrested on terrorism-related charges, we discovered one “suspect” was from my close-knit clique of brothers, passing his house hundreds of times while he plotted using three metric tonnes of ammonium nitrate fertilizer. Reverts were wandering sheep that had to be extra cautious of acquaintances.

The only way for the non-Muslims to consider Islaam was by proving our Qur’aan superseded previous revelations. To establish the immaculacy of the Qur’aan to Christians, it was imperative to expose the fallibility of the Bible. Once the Christian had encountered inconsistencies in the substructure of his faith, he became more open to the possibility of Biblical errancy. Faced with numerous contradictions, the keen recipient would be guided to a more agreeable theology found within the Qur’aan. They knew not Arabic, so we provided selected material to them. In specific cases where Christianity and/or Judaism lacked in subject matter and Islaam had the leeway, I took advantage to prove the superiority of the Islaamic religion and its honor by staying true to the previous revelations with Ibraaheem (Abraham), Moosaa (Moses), or ‘Eesaa ibn Maryam (Jesus, son of Mary). To convince atheists and agnostics, we exposed the loopholes in evolution and modern science, presented the finest examples of Islaamic creationism, and perhaps mock their presumption of the universe existing merely by chance. Once the non-Muslim was eagerly reading the Qur’aan and Islaamic material, I would present Muhammad as a prophet of God no different from the accepted Hebrew prophets. Guilt and fear were common tactics used to pressure the conversion process. Just as the Jews denied Jesus, so did I admonish the Christian for rejecting Muhammad. If they recognized monotheism and Muhammad, I seized the opportunity by recommending the individual to embrace Islaam and take the shahaadah (declaration of faith – There is no deity but Allaah, Muhammad is His Messenger).

As I gained experience as a Muslim, I sought a more literal interpretation of Islaam closer to the pristine deen of Prophet Muhammad. Without equivocation, the notorious “Yusuf Ali” Qur’aan was a translation that pandered to Western liberal values attempting to lure non-Muslims to Islaam. Although I used Syed Abu-Ala Maududi’s Qur’aanic commentary as a reference, I closely adhered to Muhammad Taqi-ud-Din Al-Hilali and Muhammad Muhsin Khan’s translated work ‘The Noble Qur’aan’ which offered a summarized version including the efforts of At-Tabari, Al-Qurtubi, Ibn Kathir, and Al-Bukhari. Tasawwuf (Sufism) and modern progressive movements conniving to reform Islaam were not considered the real McCoy for they presented serious drawbacks and discrepancies that revealed an intentional divergence from Sunnah (the sanctioned practices, sayings, or actions of Prophet Muhammad). The Saudi-based movement of Salafiyyah, heavily influenced by ibn Taymiyyah’s call to renounce innovation and return to the genuine Islaam, seemed to be a viable option. However, concluding that being “Muslim” was sufficient, I rejected any labels of sectarianism that would consequently divide the Islaamic ummah.

Guidance and companionship from my brothers in Islaam gave me a sense of belonging. Being a “revert” signified the reversion to a state of fitrah (the inherently pure disposition a being was created with). Everyone adopted an Islaamic first name, shunned music, and only ate halaal. We new Muslims delightfully welcomed a “brainwashing” since years in kufr (disbelief, ungratefulness to Allaah) left us feeling filthy. An unadulterated Islaam was difficult for the kuffaar (unbelievers) to digest so deviants evidently had a higher success rate in their propagation of Islaam (da’wah) as they modified principles to suit the nafs (carnal self) of recipients. The moderate and sanitized version of Islaam that initially brought me to conversion had to be reassessed. Through the local masjid (mosque), always available was a handshake and anticipated hug. This was a comfort unavailable at home, especially from a mother always unsatisfied with my performance and father unconcerned with my progress. Encouraged by my Muslim brothers, I desired to excel in my religion; possibly get married, master the Arabic language and be a mujaahid (partaker in jihaad) and shaheed (martyr).

We viewed contemporary Muslims as crippled by colonization and far adrift from the straight path. In much insecurity and drifting, I found fundamentalism a perdurable anchor. We romanticized the early generation of “pious predecessors” and sought to capture their vigor by imitation. To revive the Islamic spirit for a fresh renaissance, we propagated a fundamentalist version of Islaam to unite Muslims under one refined but exemplary model. Unislaamic programs such as communism, democracy, socialism, and capitalism were thought as destined for the dustbin. The ideal of freedom was vehemently rejected as implausible, even in a democracy. The latter we ridiculed as “democrazy.” The plan we envisioned was a homologous Islaamic ummah comprised of compliant Muslim nations willing to accept this nostalgic ideology, followed by a pan-Islaamic government. Funded by Arab petroleum sales, this jihaad could be sustained because Muslim countries held approximately 80% of the world’s readily accessible reserves of crude oil. This would enable the restoration of the Khilaafah, and thus usher in a Khaleefah. The military defeat of an emasculated mujaahideen brought about some promising perspective and reformation. Our focus was needed elsewhere, besides Chechnya, Kashmir, Mindanao, Pattani, Palestine, etc. We chose the alternative frontier in jihaad, Islaamic da’wah, to rectify the decadent affair of present-day Muslims. However, from the very get-go, politicized Islaam was a dud that failed to launch. The Salaf (pious predecessors of the first three generations of Muslims) of seventh-century Islaam were far from exemplary and their ummah was riddled by schism and assassinations. With a religion that advocated jihaad and casus belli, it was inevitable to have infighting factions. We had never achieved an Islaamic utopia and, without an appropriate method for reformation of Islaam, the future seemed not promising without a strategic platform to alleviate the plight of Muslims.

With hindsight, I perceive the quintessential factor sustaining my Islaamic faith to be fear. I had buckled under the coercion. After embracing the notion of a Supreme Being, anxiety ensued while receiving admonishment from Allaah’s Book. A substantial amount of aayaat (verses) of the Qur’aan are intimidating threats against your personal well-being. Consequently, after departure from the masjid as a new Muslim, I sensed regret and remorse. By taking precautionary action, I had determined the expected value of submission to Allaah overweighing the value of punishment in Hellfire or emptiness of non-belief. This erroneous and biased wager sought the necessity of considering God for personal convenience, without considering the necessity of truth for the sake of truth itself. There lies Pascal’s Flaw. When emotions took precedence, in dire desperation, I abandoned my most cherished opinions and chose to surrender voluntarily as Allaah’s slave.

Surprisingly, the greatest challenge that threatened my servitude to Allaah came, neither from criticism by Islamophobic orientalists nor polemics by Neo-conservative Christians but, from Muhammad’s holy book itself. Muslims may interpret my doubt as possession by the whispers of Shaytaan (Satan). Prior to my conversion, I had read merely a third of the Qur’aan accompanied by a minuscule amount of ahaadeeth. Since Arabic is foreign to the majority of non-Muslims, conniving proselytizers with impunity can expurgate a compromising interpretation of the Qur’aan. Conceivably, had I examined Islaamic subjects more thoroughly, I likely would have never walked in a mosque, let alone convert. From my sincere study of al-Qur’aan wa Sunnah, at an occurrence when my credence to Islaam and servitude to Allaah was culminating, I would become disillusioned with an apparently incongruous Qur’aanic text.

Once acquainted with a bona fide Islaam, I reevaluated my commitment and questioned whether or not to continue an adherence to the religion. A Muslim eventually stumbles across contestable matter in a Qur’aanic aayah or hadeeth. Paradoxically, we questioning Muslims had to use the very scripture under scrutiny that advises us to seek “the people of knowledge” (16:43), or the ‘Ulamaa (religious-legal scholars) for tafseer (Qur’aanic exegesis or commentary). As one brother put it, you either “believe in it or you don’t.” Now exposed to unadulterated Islaam, I would encounter a crucial test of submission. A decisive decision would follow; whether to blindly believe or independently scrutinize a book “wherein there is no doubt.” (10:37)

The strongest evidence and proof for Islaam was al-Qur’aan (Arabic; lit. the recitation). As Muslims, we spuriously believed Jibreel (archangel Gabriel) was sent by Allaah to bestow the revelations to Prophet Muhammad. In fact, empirically speaking, the Qur’aan definitively disembarked from the vocal cord of Muhammad’s larynx to be heard by his companion’s eardrums. If Muhammad was truly illiterate, without the ability to read nor write, then he couldn’t adequately supervise the written compilation of the Qur’aan nor proofread. Our faith was reliant upon the fallible sahaaba (devoted companions of the Prophet), whom were not scholars, to manufacture the Qur’aan and preserve it. Devastatingly, most of the companions memorizing the Qur’aan were also illiterate and an enormously significant number of companions died in battle, before and after the death of Prophet Muhammad. Although our Qur’aan was transmitted, memorized, and later written by men, I pondered, could it also have been tampered by them in the process? Religion being the machine and believers the automatons, while avoiding the monumental task of thinking hard, many Muslims would ignore any possible inconvenient truths and say, “Allaah knows best.” Instead of a cold-blooded answer, the evasive responses I’d receive from the ‘Ulamaa were unsatisfactory. With the discovery of the Arabic Qur’aanic containing foreign linguistic influence, I doubted the claim of its preservation in “pure Arabic” (16:103). Our Qur’aanic text claimed to be “an exposition of everything” (16:89) and “the Book explained in detail” (6:114). Yet, the actual implementation of Islaam necessitated the assistance of ahaadeeth (narrations, the sayings or doings of Muhammad and his companions). Without a hadeeth, we could not properly perform salaat. Regardless if the creation of al-Qur’aan occured by Allaah or in the confines of Muhammad’s cerebrum or cerebellum, an unbiased exegete would conclude that nothing “new” arrived with seventh-century Islaam. Likewise, we Muslims postulated the Islaamic belief that Islaam had the same message revealed to previous Prophets such as Ibraaheem (Abraham), ‘Eesaa ibn Maryam (Jesus, son of Mary), or Moosaa (Moses), all of whom had the same religion. Truthfully, I found nothing “revealed” by Prophet Muhammad that couldn’t be influenced by or plagiarized from existing sources, especially from the Judeo-Christian tradition (Tanakh, Talmud, New testament, apocryphal works). Everything Islaamic could be traced to pre-Islaamic origins, from theology to pilgrimage rites. Islaam attempted to abolish idolatry when Muhammad, like Ibraaheem (Abraham) who was once an idolator (6:76-78), became disillusioned with idolatrous pagan rituals. Prophet Muhammad beseeched the monotheist deity of the Jewish constituents in the Arabian Peninsula but not without undertaking a reform of their Hebrew religion. Evidently so, Moosaa (Moses), considered the greatest Prophet to the Jews, is the most mentioned Prophet in the Qur’aan. Disdain for the Jewish people permeates throughout al-Qur’aan and ahaadeeth for, when the Jewish people eventually rejected Muhammad as a possible Prophet, he vengefully sought against them in heartache. This is why Islaam harbours considerable disparagement and hatred for the Jews, a people exceptionally monotheist, rather than Christians or Zoroastrians who apparently commit shirk (polytheism, aligning partners with God). With the epiphany that al-Qur’aan was not Allaah’s infallible speech, subsequently, I would approach certain aspects of the religion as man-made.

My expectations of a Supreme Being was in contrast to the conventional god of Prophet Muhammad. I yearned for a deity that was transcendent, incomparable, and an indefinable holy unable to be conceptualized. To my discovery, the Islaamic deity was actually the generic anthropomorphic Sky Father abound in popular mythology. He was afflicted with psychological infirmities such as megalomania, melancholy, and malevolence. Allaah suffered from ambivalence, claiming to be ar-Rahmaan, ar-Raheem (The Most Merciful, The Most Beneficent), while simultaneously being malicious or fastidious. As an omniscient entity, he should have exhibited irrevocable authorship in his scripture, instead of acting capricious by amending and abrogating revelations like a fallible redactor confused about what He should have written initially. On the one hand, there is the incapacity of man to grasp the nature of omnipotent Allaah, yet His Will can be altered by exterior forces such as the affects of human prayers. I could not worship a God that changed. As just another idol, Allaah was depicted and contained in the literary work of al-Qur’aan. According to one hadeeth (Sahih Bukhari: Volume 8, Book 74, Number 246), the Islaamic God created Aadam upon His soorah (form, shape, image), sixty cubits in height. Allaah rested upon His Throne (arsh) near His Footstool (kursi). He claimed to have an Eye (20:39), a Shin (68:42), a Face (55:27), a Foot (Sahih Bukhari: Volume 9, Book 93, Number 541), even both Right and Left Hands (39:67). Surely, there were many “comparable unto Him.” (112:4) Discovering Allaah to be as mythical as the elephant-god Ganesha or temper tantrum Yahweh was a devastating blow to my heart. Relying on tawheed, the initial attraction to Islaam, was ineffectual for I now discerned Allaah as fictitious like the rest of the idols. The god of Islaam, likely just Muhammad’s alter-ego, displayed masculinity, anger, indecision, misogyny, and other moral weaknesses unbefitting of a majestic deity. Between Muhammad and Allaah, there was an uncanny resemblance in personality. Similar to the 1939 musical fantasy film, ‘The Wizard of Oz’, I realized that the Wizard (Allaah) was a fabrication concocted by the man (Muhammad) behind the curtain.

My withdrawal from Islaam occurred suddenly as I studied the Qur’aan and ahaadeeth. The same disillusionment I experienced as Buddhist and Christian began to now emerge while a Muslim. I found it difficult to believe in angels, jinn, or talking trees. My mind clustered with doubts and objections as I raged with discontent. The deity was fictitious and cruel, the founder deplorably barbaric and sinful, the scripture mediocre and uninspired, the laws primitive and unjust. I perceived Muhammad as a fraud and Allaah as his imaginary friend. Instantly, while holding the Qur’aan still open, I slammed the covers shut. I tossed the book across the room and ran downstairs. With two garbage bags, I eagerly erased Islaam from my life. This included every Qur’aan, Arabic course tutorial, hadeeth book, da’wah pamphlet, tape, and paperback book on Islaam into the trash. The texts nearly burst the bags. My prayer rug, favourite woolen kufi caps, thobe, and compass followed next. I stored the garbage in our garage until night in order to dump near a neighbour’s curb for pick-up in the morning. Never had I eagerly renounced an attachment with such certainty and resentment.

When I accepted fundamentalism and uncovered the unadulterated religion of Islaam, I eventually became unimpressed. Besides tawheed, what the religion offered wasn’t much. To the naive, Islaam appeared divine with the hypnotic recitation of the Arabic Qur’aan, captivating Middle-Eastern architecture, and stunning Arabic calligraphy. Our Western culture and Judeo-Christian traditions just paled in comparison. However, just like in art, it only seems creative when the influences and sources are left unknown. Once you uncover the plagiarism, what remains is tediously pedestrian. Reverts from a Christian upbringing, because of their dire hatred for Christianity, were blinded to the core principles as taught by Jesus. The grass seemed greener on the other side. But the reality is, where Christians sought forgiveness for sinners, Muslims sought punishment. Muslims prayed towards an inanimate object (i.e., the Ka’bah at Makkah), while Christians prayed towards the heavens. Ahl us-Sunnah proudly ate on the floor with their hands like animals, while the kuffar used chairs and utensils like rightly guided people. As for the corpus of Islaam, unable to find a shred of originality, I concluded the Qur’aan as the most unoriginal composition in religion. I’ve read beautifully written books without any errors, but that doesn’t mean they’re divine. Judaism was actually more Islaamic than Muhammad’s religion for Yahweh forbid angels and humankind from bowing to creation, whereas Allaah commanded the angels to bow before Aadam. Religion should have man change for God, not vice versa. Allaah would make changes to suit the whims and desires of Muhammad. We reverts were lied to, though none admitted it. Islaam did not mean peace but “submission.” Even those religious groups – the Jews and Christians – which share theological similarities with the Islaamic faith are not to be taken as auliya’ (friends, protectors, helpers). There was a legal hatred for the Jews, fully sanctioned by our scripture. It was a very politicized religion pushing much propaganda. The longer I was Muslim, the more ahaadeeth and less Qur’aanic aayaat we would receive. Sunnah became the obsession as man-made laws and traditions basically replaced Allaah’s revelations.

For an unbiased investigation, I examined the veracity of Islaamic Creationism. Muslims claim that the perfection of “creation” implies intelligent design. According to creationists, certain natural systems are too sophisticated to be adequately explained without help from an intelligent agent. Using their logic, for the sake of my argument, I will claim that Allaah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) al-Mutakabbir (The Supremely Great, The Majestic) is greater than any evidence found in “creation.” The Qur’aan agrees that not everything has a cause. However, since Allaah merely “exists” Himself in arbitrariness, without any given antecedents, given purpose, nor given meaning, so can the universe itself. If the anomalistic existence of Allaah al-Kabeer (The Most Great) can just be without cause, no logical explanation should be required for the lessor entities in the universe such as bacteria, planets, cells, or DNA. This is their logic. Ironically, instead of perhaps concluding that the universe always existed, Muslims create the idol or anomaly of God in partnership with the universe. No longer impartial by blind faith and delusion, I rationally dismissed the Islamic assertion of a Creator in their absence of compelling evidences.

Although the non-zero probability of the existence of God was and will remain present, the same probability exists for gods, ghosts, monsters, and boogie-men. The stated entities have been encountered in every civilization during every time period throughout history. Primitive man once believed everything from trees to rocks contained a spirit. Animism is still practiced today by native populations around the globe. Even the Islaamic tradition has kept a few spirits, such as angels and jinn. Eventually, two spirits remained in mainstream belief, because of atheism. Those two are God and the human soul. No reason surfaced to suggest that Muhammad’s Allaah was any more significant than the other quadrillion gods contrived throughout human history. Like all theists, Prophet Muhammad approached the “chicken or and egg” dilemma by guessing that a motherless chicken once upon a time created everything. The whimsical being of Allaah, the epitome of arbitrariness and fortuitousness, exists superficially and accidentally by chance with no given purpose or meaning. He is the fiction of imaginative hope. The Islaamic understanding conclusively bypasses the probability consideration and boldly begins at a mind-boggling refutable truth: “There is no deity but God.”

Certain rituals and conditions required by Sunnah for the ibaadah (worship) of Allaah actually were a distraction from worship itself. One must be in a purified condition for acts of worship, and to facilitate this, a ritual of purification known as wudoo (partial ablution) or ghusl (full ablution) must be conducted. The wudoo would be rendered nullified if, for example, the Muslim defecated, urinated, bled, fell asleep, or passed gas. Since Sunnah allocated a limited time frame for each of the five prayers, the result would be disastrous. If you completed al-wudoo to begin an obligatory salaah, and suddenly released gas, the entire cleansing ritual had to be redone. This entailed getting semi-undressed, making niyyah (intention), doing recitations (e.g., bismillah, shahaahah), washing the face, neck, arms, head, nasal cavity, mouth, ears, feet, including the repetition of each act three times. By desperately undertaking to postpone flatulence and the call of nature, during prayer, a worshipper would experience consciousness of one’s own bowel movements, rather than consciousness of God. Instead of praying to God alone, we Muslims were submitting to the automatic prayers constituted by mere men. During worship in jamaa’ah (congregation), especially for ‘Eid or Jumu’ah salaat, you had to prostrate behind men. This position gave one a view of the carpet below, the masculine buttocks of the worshipper in front, or the holes in his socks. For any heterosexual revert, this was an uncomfortable predicament. Truthfully said, for this reason is why brothers came early to reserve a spot in the front row. If a Muslimah was allowed in the masjid, she’d unfortunately be behind a man’s behind or in an enclosed section separated by a screen. Islaam was vehemently against idolatry, yet when we Muslims performed salaat, there was always a figure before us. And if you traveled to Makkah following the qiblah (direction of worship), you’d discover Muslims prostrating, touching, caressing, and even kissing the Ka’bah. During hajj (pilgrimage) at Mina, hundreds would be killed and thousands injured following the idolatrous ritual known as the “stoning of the devil.” Al-Jamaraat, the three symbols representing the devil, have been since renovated into 26-metre-long walls in the hopes that more Muslims don’t die trying to make an impression on the idols. The Arabic Qur’aan, believed to be incarcerated Truth and the literal speech of Allaah, also became an idol for Muslims. With washed hands, we held our Holy Book and many would actually kiss it. For Christians, Jesus was the Word of God made flesh, while Muslims held the Qur’aan as the Word of God made text. I questioned the necessity of prayers and Qur’aanic recitation being reserved only in Arabic, simply for the “pleasure of Allaah.” Clearly, we were following traditions for the sake of Arab supremacy. Most Muslims were not fluent in Arabic, so instead of reaping the benefits in our native languages, we recited in a foreign tongue what many could neither articulate with nor understand. If Allaah was omnipotent, he could understand English. In Islaam, instead of being Muslim for Allaah, we had to become Arab to be Muslim.

The Islamic world was a catastrophe for we Muslims were unable to reconcile the discrepancies in our religion, the bedrock of all predominantly Muslim states. In the Qur’aan, particular Madinan revelations conflicted with Makkan ones. Our foundation was an incomplete sacred text quite ambiguous, inconsistent, and without chronological order. With the Qur’aan lacking proper substance to be a constitution for a civilization, we implored man-made ahaadeeth to help a divine revelation. Although this combination provided substance to implement Sharee’ah (Islaamic law), it brought more discrepancies into the religion. According to the Qur’aan, all men and women are born in a state of fitrah as Muslims. However, the Sunnah demands the adhaan (call to prayer) and shahaadah to be yelled into our infant’s ears at birth. While the Qur’aan commanded worship in “neither aloud nor in a low voice,” (17:110) Sunnah instructed a Muslim to scream at pedestrians the adhaan (call to prayer) from the top of buildings. Allaah’s Creation is perfect, but Sunnah mandates that Muslim infants should be corrected with circumcision. The Qur’aan says to make no distinction between the Prophets, yet, the hadeeth-inspired Islaam with “Allaah and His Messenger” was awfully similar to the “Father and His Son” in Christianity. Islaam has elevated the Prophet Muhammad to an infallible hero with almost godlike status. However, when Allaah commanded fifty prayers a day in the night of al-Israa’ and Mi’raaj, Muhammad could not “submit” and disobediently sought to reduce the amount repeatedly until it was down to five. Women could legally have no more than one husband, while the Prophet Muhammad could and did have several in one day. Allaah created everything perfect, especially the Qur’aan which is considered to be the ultimate miracle (17:88) proving Islaam by containing aayaat (signs, verses, proofs, evidences, miracles). Non-Muslims who doubt the Qur’aan are challenged by Allaah to produce a soorah like it (2:23). Yet, throughout Muhammad’s prophetic career, Allaah would abrogate verses to “substitute one revelation for another” (2:106, 16:101) as if the “Truth” needed correction. He claimed throughout the Qur’aan to be the “The Most Merciful” and “The Most Beneficent” while simultaneously threatening man in detail the prepared punishments and tortures awaiting him in Hellfire. Although the Qur’aan claimed to be the “best hadeeth” (39:23) and contained Sunnah, fundamentalists were not satisfied with the Qur’aan. Indeed, they abandoned the Qur’aan in the process as the Prophet Muhammad said of his people (25:30). With such inconsistencies, no wonder a schism in the Islamic ummah occurred immediately after the Prophet’s funeral.

The evolution and behaviour of a Muslim revert has always been predictable. Soofiyyah (Sufism) was what attracted the ample majority of today’s converts. In fact, without a military conquest by the sword, this has basically been the endorsed ideology for the amicable expansions of Islaam. Indeed, Islaam wasn’t completely spread by the sword but was welcomed by many. However, to be downright and straightforward, Sufism isn’t Islaam but a deviation from it. Tasawwuf or Soofiyyah ingratiated Islaam to the kaafir by accommodating a rigid theology into a compromising spiritual mysticism. Islaam almost took the backseat for some individuals. Instead of pursuing the Muslim identity, many reverts would become obsessed with their Arab wardrobe, the Arab language, and Arab politics. If they converted in a predominantly South Asian neighbourhood, you’d notice the reverts mimicking desi culture in an attempt to assimilate. It’s a daunting task, especially for Muslims, to rectify the confusion of Islaam with culture and culture with Islaam. From firsthand experience, I’d generously estimate that merely a quarter of all converts actually remain Muslim by their first year. Oftentimes, a serious revert would exhaust him/herself to the point of burn-out and would slowly disappear into apostasy. The latter individuals were never spoken of as we ignored anything that could possibly jeopardize eemaan (faith) and taqwaa (piety, fear of Allaah). Judging by their facial expression and physical posture, I could differentiate between a now moderate Muslim and a timid apostate trying to go undetected. Those Mu’minoon (faithful believers) that actually kept their Islaam, now keen on fundamentalism, eventually disowned their native culture and decidedly lived and dressed as seventh century Arabian Muslims, even in a North American metropolitan city. The first turban I actually saw was on a Canadian, a Caucasian convert trying desperately hard to “be one” with his Pakistani congregation. These particular reverts – ripe for a picking by the Salafiyoon – would willingly yearn for a strict adherence to the fundamentals of Islam. As reverts, readily dupable and persuadable, our dependence and submission was crucial for a successful brainwashing.

Reverts to Islaam, ever so gullible and naive, were easily susceptible to the prevalent dysfunctional behaviours and propaganda infecting most Muslim societies. By striving to not conform with the kuffaar, we duly had to be ignorant by circumnavigating anything unislamic. We believed, if a Muslim concealed the faults of another in this world, his own faults would be concealed by Allaah on the Day (i.e., Day of Resurrection). One revert declared that Usama bin Laden was better than “a million George Bushes” and “a thousand Tony Blairs” simply because he’s a “Muslim”. Arrogantly speaking, we Muslims were “the best of peoples ever raised up for mankind.” (3:110) So when an atrocity occurred that was obviously committed by Muslims in the name of Allaah, my fellow brothers and sisters were complacent. We obsequiously forsook the human rights violations in Muslim countries, even when the victims were Muslims. The conspiracy theories widespread in my Muslim society were outright delusion. Not even the moderate Muslims, who neglected salaat and committed zinaa (illegal sex; fornication, adultery, etc.), could accept the Muslim identities of the 9/11 pilots. As my Afghani classmate remarked, “It was the Jews!” When the opportunity arose for self-criticism, inevitably, we instead blamed the Jews, our favourite scapegoat. Homogenizing oneself into the Islaamic ummah was ostensibly clinched if one supported the latest Arab-Muslim agenda, grew an outstanding beard, abstained from using beads during tasbeeh, expressed hatred for the Jews, uttered the word “bid’ah” occasionally, and repudiated the modern state of Israel. We proudly acknowledged the jihaad, yet acted stupid if questioned by a kaafir and responded to their accusations with, for example, “How do you know it was done by Muslims? Where is the evidence?” Although they were not blind to the videotaped confessions by boasting Muslim terrorists, they chose to be. Not all Muslims were terrorists, although it was unequivocally but agonizingly true that most terrorists were Muslims. Sunni Muslims, to be exact. If some Americans or Jews died, there was sympathetic joy and I observed this particular behaviour genially absorbed by one Muslimah just five years old. Reverts hopelessly adopted a rigid interpretation of Islam taught by immigrants from oppressive theocracies that incarcerated ijtihaad to keep freethinking and dissent criminal and their rule immutable.

The greatest threat to dogmatism is doubt because thinking leads to kufr (disbelief). Islaam thought for us. My classmate Mohammed once said, “You know what your problem is? You think too much!” Ironically, freethinking and open-mindedness brought me to tolerate their da’wah and convert. I embraced Islaam and gave Allaah my undivided worship. But because I now kindly disagree, Islaamic scholars say I should be killed. Even moderate Muslims living in the West concede with my death sentence. All Muslims encountered aayaat and ahaadeeth too unpalatable to digest. Did submission (Islaam) mean accepting not just everything, but anything? I realized that I could not be a muqallid (follower who imitates another blindly and unquestioningly). I found it deplorable that Muhammad, a man over fifty years of age, married six year-old ‘Aishah and then consummated the marriage when she was nine. His hatred for the Jews rivaled the antisemitism of Adolf Hitler. The Prophet, supposedly guided by God, did not abolish slavery but actually possessed slaves. He waged systematic campaigns to exterminate opponents. I came from a civilization where murder was considered, believe it or not, wrong? I had to draw the line somewhere. Yielding to fundamentals and authority is a legitimate endeavour, while fundamentalism and authoritarianism is not.

In the pursuit of a strict monotheistic belief system, I incidently had accepted the irrational and illogical along with the absurd. In the process of wishful thinking, we fell into willful delusion. As blindly obedient slaves of Allaah, resultantly, believers became subdued as mentally comatose Islamobots without the ability to doubt, question, or scrutinize. This dogmatic approach by theists favoured delusion and coercion that intentionally set believers as sheep to be led by shepherds into justifying anything they so desired (e.g., Jonestown by Jim Jones, 9/11 by Khalid Sheikh Mohammed). We harboured the delusion that Islaam was perfect, while Muslims just did not live up to Islaam. We had to agree with the inferiority of women, the amputation of the hand for thieves, and antisemitic hatred of the Jews. There was stoning of women and animal sacrifices. Even the incentives of Islaam were ignoble. Paradise, an apparent Club Med in the sky, contained earthly sensuality and materialism catering to primitive man, such as numerous women, wine, and couches. A married Muslimah would spend eternity attending her husband as he titillated with numerous women in bed. A sensible man should expect better treatment for his wife (i.e., an equal human being that is someone’s daughter, sister, or mother). No progressive interpretation of such scripture could hide the ignominiousness. Although the Qur’aan alone was a revelation unto itself, to deny a saheeh hadeeth was an intellectual cop-out. One had to simultaneously obey Allaah and the Rasool (messenger), without bias to sound evidence. Reason can exist, but so long as its conclusions conflict not with the institutionalized logic frozen in seventh-century Islaamic orthodoxy. To be a Muslim, one had to absolutely relinquish heterodoxy, as the name of the game is literally “submission” (Islaam). No Muslim could rationally reform a religion that had been “perfected” (5:3) by an omniscient and omnipotent God. I realized that Islaam could likely not be reformed.

Surprisingly, even as an apostate of Islaam, I contemplated on reverting back to the religion on numerous of occasions. To outsiders, Islaam was an unfashionable and demanding faith tradition to adopt. However, contrary to most apostates, I view my experience with Islam as a blessing. I enjoyed the obligations and would establish my salaah regardless if I was under a staircase in a busy subway terminal or outdoors bracing the elements. I immensely miss fajr (dawn) salaah and cleansing myself by wudhoo (ablution), a reinvigorating ritual leaving your body, heart, mind, and soul in rejuvenation. Never had I felt so pure. Islaam was intentionally my chosen faith out of sincere submission to God, not for conniving to woo a Muslimah or it being adopted by my forefathers as my birthright. Only with the Qur’aan could I facilitate a belief in God. There seems to exist a religiosity innate in man, including the atheist. Considerably, Allaah proved to be a comforting solace, though one day I contemplated on why none of my modest supplications had ever been answered. And I begged Allaah (swt) to keep me Muslim. If I could sustain the belief in Allaah, I would remain Muslim and try to courageously reform Islaam from the clutches of fascists. Eventually, I accepted the fact that I was plagued with doubt from the veritable onset. Although once again skeptical of religion, I continued to uphold ethics and ideals such as pacifism and vegetarianism. I had faith, just not in a particular god or religion and held my quintessential identity to be as ex-Muslim. No longer a Muslim, life now was a vacuum and I knew Islaam could never fill that void.

As an apostate of Islaam, similar to all dissidents, I keep my views hidden. But on one occassion, I confessed about my apostasy and opinions to one Muslim and was almost physically assaulted. Living with fundamentalist Muslims certainly made for a tense situation. For safety reasons, I kept up appearances and preferred to pose as a nominal or nonpracticing Muslim instead of an apostate. As an atheist, I view all religions as man-made institutions. Unfortunately, due to inadequate evidence, I’d concede the existence of God as highly unlikely. Most definitely, this “God” described in all world religions is but a trivial idol. The whole premise of my conversion to Islaam was to embrace a monotheistic view of God and fully submit to Him. I presumably accepted an omniscient, transcendent, and sublime deity, but after delving into Islaam, I realized that Allaah was just another conventional god. God could still exist, but equally, so could the other supernatural beings abound in mythology. The time has come for adults to grow-up and discard their imaginary friends. I’d estimate that 99.99% of believers adhere to a particular religion, not by choice, but because their parents indoctrinated them. Before I was an agnostic, but after my experience with Islaam, I’ve become an atheist. This testimony ideally must bear criticism of Islaam, but don’t be fooled. From my intimate experience with Islaam, I’ve encountered much truth and good. For that, I’m truthfully appreciative. Some of the best people I’ve met are, in fact, Muslims. Before my conversion, I despised the religion of Prophet Muhammad. However, I now respect Islaam, but notwithstanding that I kindly choose to disagree with Muhammad.

Leaving Islaam was likely the greatest decision I’ve ever had to make. The religion of Prophet Muhammad kept me shackled from the diverse richness that is life. I’ve since rediscovered love; the unconditional loving-kindness and equal respect for all humankind, irrespective of gender, caste, race, language, nationality, religion, or lack there of. By doubt, I scrutinized and by questioning, I sought. In seeking, I increase the possibility that I may come upon more truths. But I’m not as arrogant to claim I possess “The Truth”, with a capital tee. In conclusion, for the Muslims in the audience, a quotation from Stephen F. Roberts who eloquently said it best: “I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours.”

Allah: Evidence Of An Anthropomorphic Deity

2 03 2007

by Abdul-Quddus

In the minds of all Muslims, there is held a belief in “tawheed” — the Oneness
or Uniqueness of Allaah (Arabic: The God). According to Islaamic theology, there is no god but one; Allaah. This deity alone is worshipped by today’s Muslims and they vehemently reject the idols or man-made gods abound in other world religions. In the 112th chapter of the Qur’aan, Soorah Al-Ikhlaas, it reads, “Say: He is Allah, the One and Only; Allah, the Eternal, Absolute; He begetteth not, nor is He begotten; And there is none like unto Him.”Contrary to popular belief, the deity known as “Allaah” actually possesses anthropomorphic qualities. The following evidence to be presented below is from the corpus of Islaamic scripture — the Qur’aan and Ahaadeeth.

The Face of Allaah:

Translation of Al-Qur’an 055:027:
“And the Face of your Lord full of Majesty and Honour will abide forever.”

Translation of Sahih Bukhari, Volume 9, Book 93, Number 503:
Narrated Jabir bin ‘Abdullah:

When this Verse:–‘Say (O Muhammad!): He has Power to send torments on you from above,’ (6.65) was revealed; The Prophet said, “I take refuge with Your Face.” Allah revealed:– ‘..or from underneath your feet.’ (6.65) The Prophet then said, “I seek refuge with Your Face!” Then Allah revealed:–‘…or confuse you in party-strife.’ (6.65) Oh that, the Prophet said, “This is easier.”

The Eyes of Allaah:

Translation of Al-Qur’an 096:014:
“Knows he not that Allah does see (what he does)?”

Translation of Al-Qur’an 052:048:
“So wait patiently (O Muhammad SAW) for the Decision of your Lord, for verily, you are under Our Eyes , and glorify the Praises of your Lord when you get up from sleep.”

Translation of Al-Qur’an 020:039:
“Saying: Put him (the child) into the Taboot (a box or a case or a chest) and put it into the river (Nile), then the river shall cast it up on the bank, and there, an enemy of Mine and an enemy of his shall take him. And I endued you with love from Me, in order that you may be brought up under My Eye,”

Translation of Al-Qur’an 054:014:
“Floating under Our Eyes, a reward for him who had been rejected!”

The Shin of Allaah:

Translation of Al-Qur’an 068:042:
“(Remember) the Day when the Shin shall be laid bare (i.e. the Day of Resurrection) and they shall be called to prostrate (to Allah), but they (hypocrites) shall not be able to do so,”

Translation of Sahih Bukhari, Volume 9, Book 93, Number 532s:
Narrated Abu Sa’id Al-Khudri:

Then the Almighty will come to them in a shape other than the one which they saw the first time, and He will say, ‘I am your Lord,’ and they will say, ‘You are not our Lord.’ And none will speak: to Him then but the Prophets, and then it will be said to them, ‘Do you know any sign by which you can recognize Him?’ They will say. ‘The Shin,’ and so Allah will then uncover His Shin whereupon every believer will prostrate before Him and there will remain those who used to prostrate before Him just for showing off and for gaining good reputation. These people will try to prostrate but their backs will be rigid like one piece of a wood (and they will not be able to prostrate).

The Foot of Allaah:

Translation of Sahih Bukhari, Volume 6, Book 60, Number 373:
Narrated Abu Huraira:

The Prophet said, “Paradise and the Fire (Hell) argued, and the Fire (Hell) said, “I have been given the privilege of receiving the arrogant and the tyrants.’ Paradise said, ‘What is the matter with me? Why do only the weak and the humble among the people enter me?’ On that, Allah said to Paradise. ‘You are My Mercy which I bestow on whoever I wish of my servants.’ Then Allah said to the (Hell) Fire, ‘You are my (means of) punishment by which I punish whoever I wish of my slaves. And each of you will have its fill.’ As for the Fire (Hell), it will not be filled till Allah puts His Foot over it whereupon it will say, ‘Qati! Qati!’ At that time it will be filled, and its different parts will come closer to each other; and Allah will not wrong any of His created beings. As regards Paradise, Allah will create a new creation to fill it with.”

Translation of Sahih Bukhari, Volume 9, Book 93, Number 481:
Narrated Anas:

The Prophet said, “(The people will be thrown into Hell ( Fire) and it will keep on saying, ‘Is there any more?’ till the Lord of the worlds puts His Foot over it, whereupon its different sides will come close to each other, and it will say, ‘Qad! Qad! (enough! enough!) By Your ‘Izzat (Honor and Power) and YOUR KARAM (Generosity)!’ Paradise will remain spacious enough to accommodate more people until Allah will create some more people and let them dwell in the superfluous space of Paradise.”

The Hands of Allaah:

Translation of Al-Qur’an 039:067:
“They made not a just estimate of Allah such as is due to Him. And on the Day of Resurrection the whole of the earth will be grasped by His Hand and the heavens will be rolled up in His Right Hand. Glorified is He, and High is He above all that they associate as partners with Him!”

Translation of Al-Qur’an 048:010:
“Verily, those who give Baia (pledge) to you (O Muhammad SAW) they are giving Baia (pledge) to Allah. The Hand of Allah is over their hands. Then whosoever breaks his pledge, breaks only to his own harm, and whosoever fulfills what he has covenanted with Allah, He will bestow on him a great reward.”

Translation of Sahih Bukhari, Volume 9, Book 93, Number 509:
Narrated Ibn ‘Umar:

Allah’s Apostle said, “On the Day of Resurrection, Allah will grasp the whole Earth by His Hand, and all the Heavens in His Right, and then He will say, ‘I am the King.” Abu Huraira said, “Allah’s Apostle said,” Allah will grasp the Earth…’ ”

Translation of Sahih Bukhari, Volume 9, Book 93, Number 515:
Narrated Abu Huraira:

The Prophet said, “The Right (Hand) of Allah Is full, and (Its fullness) is not affected by the continuous spending night and day. Do you see what He has spent since He created the Heavens and the Earth? Yet all that has not decreased what is in His Right Hand. His Throne is over the water and in His other Hand is the Bounty or the Power to bring about death, and He raises some people and brings others down.”

The Finger of Allaah:

Translation of Sahih Bukhari, Volume 9, Book 93, Number 510:
Narrated ‘Abdullah:

A Jew came to the Prophet and said, “O Muhammad! Allah will hold the heavens on a Finger, and the mountains on a Finger, and the trees on a Finger, and all the creation on a Finger, and then He will say, ‘I am the King.’ ” On that Allah’s Apostle smiled till his premolar teeth became visible, and then recited:–
‘No just estimate have they made of Allah such as due to him….(39.67) ‘Abdullah added: Allah’s Apostle smiled (at the Jew’s statement) expressing his wonder and believe in what was said.

Translation of Sahih Bukhari, Volume 9, Book 93, Number 511:
Narrated ‘Abdullah:

A man from the people of the scripture came to the Prophet and said, “O Abal-Qasim! Allah will hold the Heavens upon a Finger, and the Earth on a Finger and the land on a Finger, and all the creation on a Finger, and will say, ‘I am the King! I am the King!’ ” I saw the Prophet (after hearing that), smiling till his premolar teeth became visible, and he then recited: — ‘No just estimate have they made of Allah such as due to him… (39.67)

The Writing of Allaah:

Translation of Al-Qur’an 018:027:
“And recite what has been revealed to you (O Muhammad SAW) of the Book (the Quran) of your Lord (i.e. recite it, understand and follow its teachings and act on its orders and preach it to men). None can change His Words, and none will you find as a refuge other than Him.”

Translation of Al-Qur’an 0078:145:
“And We wrote for him on the Tablets the lesson to be drawn from all things and the explanation of all things (and said): Hold unto these with firmness, and enjoin your people to take the better therein. I shall show you the home of Al-Fasiqoon (the rebellious, disobedient to Allah).”

Translation of Sahih Bukhari, Volume 9, Book 93, Number 501:
Narrated Abu Huraira:

The Prophet said, “When Allah created the Creation, He wrote in His Book–and He wrote (that) about Himself, and it is placed with Him on the Throne–‘Verily My Mercy overcomes My Anger.'”

The Throne of Allaah:

Translation of Al-Qur’an 0069:017:
“And the angels will be on its sides, and eight angels will, that Day, bear the Throne of your Lord above them.”

Various translations of Al-Qur’an 0057:004:
Yusuf Ali: (Allah) Most Gracious is firmly established on the throne (of authority).
Pickthal: The Beneficent One, Who is established on the Throne.
Arberry: the All-compassionate sat Himself upon the Throne; to Him belongs
Shakir: The Beneficent Allah is firm in power.
Sarwar: The Beneficent God is dominant over the Throne (of the realm).
Khalifa: The Most Gracious; He has assumed all authority.
Hilali/Khan: The Most Beneficent (Allah) Istawa (rose over) the (Mighty) Throne (in a manner that suits His Majesty).
H/K/Saheeh: The Most Merciful [who is] above the Throne established.
Malik: the Beneficent (Allah) Who is firmly established on the throne of authority, QXP: The Beneficent, established on the throne of His Almightiness. (He maintains Supreme Control over all that He has created).
Maulana Ali: The Beneficent is established on the Throne of Power.
Free Minds: The Almighty, on the throne He settled.
Qaribullah: the Merciful willed to the Throne.
George Sale: The Merciful sitteth on his throne:
JM Rodwell: The God of Mercy sitteth on his throne:
Asad: the Most Gracious, established on the throne of His almightiness?

Translation of Sahih Bukhari, Volume 3, Book 41, Number 595:
Narrated Abu Said Al-Khudri:

While Allah’s Apostle was sitting, a Jew came and said, “O Abul Qasim! One of your companions has slapped me on my face.” The Prophet asked who that was. He replied that he was one of the Ansar. The Prophet sent for him, and on his arrival, he asked him whether he had beaten the Jew. He (replied in the affirmative and) said, “I heard him taking an oath in the market saying, ‘By Him Who gave Moses superiority over all the human beings.’ I said, ‘O wicked man! (Has Allah given Moses superiority) even over Muhammad I became furious and slapped him over his face.” The Prophet said, “Do not give a prophet superiority over another, for on the Day of Resurrection all the people will fall unconscious and I will be the first to emerge from the earth, and will see Moses standing and holding one of the legs of the Throne. I will not know whether Moses has fallen unconscious or the first unconsciousness was sufficient for him.”

The Shade of Allaah:

Translation of Sahih Bukhari, Volume 2, Book 24, Number 504:
Narrated Abu Huraira:

The Prophet (p.b.u.h) said, “Seven people will be shaded by Allah under His shade on the day when there will be no shade except His.

The Laughter of Allaah:

Translation of Sahih Bukhari, Volume 9, Book 93, Number 532c:
Narrated ‘Ata’ bin Yazid Al-Laithi:

The man will say, ‘O my Lord! Do not make me the most miserable of Your creation,’ and he will keep on invoking Allah till Allah will laugh because of his sayings, and when Allah will laugh because of him, He will say to him, ‘Enter Paradise,’ and when he will enter it, Allah will say to him, ‘Wish for anything.’ So he will ask his Lord, and he will wish for a great number of things, for Allah Himself will remind him to wish for certain things by saying, ‘(Wish for) so-and-so.’ When there is nothing more to wish for, Allah will say, ‘This is for you, and its equal (is for you) as well.”

Translation of Sahih Bukhari, Volume 1, Book 12, Number 770:
Narrated Abu Huraira:

On reaching then and seeing its life, charm, and pleasure, he will remain quiet as long as Allah wills and then will say, ‘O my Lord ! Let me enter Paradise.’ Allah will say, May Allah be merciful unto you, O son of Adam! How treacherous you are! Haven’t you made covenants and given pledges that you will not ask for anything more that what you have been given?’ He will say, ‘O my Lord! Do not make me the most wretched amongst Your creatures.’ So Allah will laugh and allow him to enter Paradise and will ask him to request as much as he likes.

The Image of Allaah:

Translation of Al-Qur’an 072:022-025:
“Some faces that Day shall be Nadirah (shining and radiant). Looking at their Lord (Allah); And some faces, that Day, will be Basirah (dark, gloomy, frowning, and sad), Thinking that some calamity was about to fall on them;”

Translation of Sahih Bukhari, Volume 9, Book 93, Number 529:
Narrated Jarir:

We were sitting with the Prophet and he looked at the moon on the night of the full-moon and said, “You people will see your Lord as you see this full moon, and you will have no trouble in seeing Him, so if you can avoid missing (through sleep or business, etc.) a prayer before sunrise (Fajr) and a prayer before sunset (Asr) you must do so.”

Translation of Sahih Bukhari, Volume 8, Book 74, Number 246:
Narrated Abu Huraira:

The Prophet said, “Allah created Adam in His complete shape and form (directly), sixty cubits (about 30 meters) in height. When He created him, He said (to him), “Go and greet that group of angels sitting there, and listen what they will say in reply to you, for that will be your greeting and the greeting of your offspring.” Adam (went and) said, ‘As-Salamu alaikum (Peace be upon you).’ They replied, ‘AsSalamu-‘Alaika wa Rahmatullah (Peace and Allah’s Mercy be on you) So they increased ‘Wa Rahmatullah’ The Prophet added ‘So whoever will enter Paradise, will be of the shape and form of Adam. Since then the creation of Adam’s (offspring) (i.e. stature of human beings is being diminished continuously) to the present time.”

Translation of Sahih Bukhari, Volume 9, Book 93, Number 532s:
Narrated Abu Sa’id Al-Khudri:

When there remain only those who used to worship Allah (Alone), both the obedient ones and the mischievous ones, it will be said to them, ‘What keeps you here when all the people have gone?’ They will say, ‘We parted with them (in the world) when we were in greater need of them than we are today, we heard the call of one proclaiming, ‘Let every nation follow what they used to worship,’ and now we are waiting for our Lord.’ Then the Almighty will come to them in a shape other than the one which they saw the first time, and He will say, ‘I am your Lord,’ and they will say, ‘You are not our Lord.’ And none will speak: to Him then but the Prophets, and then it will be said to them, ‘Do you know any sign by which you can recognize Him?’ They will say. ‘The Shin,’ and so Allah will then uncover His Shin whereupon every believer will prostrate before Him and there will remain those who used to prostrate before Him just for showing off and for gaining good reputation. These people will try to prostrate but their backs will be rigid like one piece of a wood (and they will not be able to prostrate). Then the bridge will be laid across Hell.” We, the companions of the Prophet said, “O Allah’s Apostle! What is the bridge?’

Translation of Sahih Bukhari, Volume 6, Book 60, Number 105:
Narrated Abu Said Al-Khudri:

During the lifetime of the Prophet some people said, : O Allah’s Apostle! Shall we see our Lord on the Day of Resurrection?” The Prophet said, “Yes; do you have any difficulty in seeing the sun at midday when it is bright and there is no cloud in the sky?” They replied, “No.” He said, “Do you have any difficulty in seeing the moon on a full moon night when it is bright and there is no cloud in the sky?” They replied, “No.” The Prophet said, “(Similarly) you will have no difficulty in seeing Allah on the Day of Resurrection as you have no difficulty in seeing either of them. On the Day of Resurrection, a call-maker will announce, “Let every nation follow that which they used to worship.” Then none of those who used to worship anything other than Allah like idols and other deities but will fall in Hell (Fire), till there will remain none but those who used to worship Allah, both those who were obedient (i.e. good) and those who were disobedient (i.e. bad) and the remaining party of the people of the Scripture. Then the Jews will be called upon and it will be said to them, ‘Who do you use to worship?’ They will say, ‘We used to worship Ezra, the son of Allah.’ It will be said to them, ‘You are liars, for Allah has never taken anyone as a wife or a son. What do you want now?’ They will say, ‘O our Lord! We are thirsty, so give us something to drink.’ They will be directed and addressed thus, ‘Will you drink,’ whereupon they will be gathered unto Hell (Fire) which will look like a mirage whose different sides will be destroying each other. Then they will fall into the Fire. Afterwards the Christians will be called upon and it will be said to them, ‘Who do you use to worship?’ They will say, ‘We used to worship Jesus, the son of Allah.’ It will be said to them, ‘You are liars, for Allah has never taken anyone as a wife or a son,’ Then it will be said to them, ‘What do you want?’ They will say what the former people have said. Then, when there remain (in the gathering) none but those who used to worship Allah (Alone, the real Lord of the Worlds) whether they were obedient or disobedient. Then (Allah) the Lord of the worlds will come to them in a shape nearest to the picture they had in their minds about Him. It will be said, ‘What are you waiting for?’ Every nation have followed what they used to worship.’ They will reply, ‘We left the people in the world when we were in great need of them and we did not take them as friends. Now we are waiting for our Lord Whom we used to worship.’ Allah will say, ‘I am your Lord.’ They will say twice or thrice, ‘We do not worship any besides Allah.’ ”

Translation of Sahih Bukhari, Volume 8, Book 76, Number 577:
Narrated Abu Huraira:

Some people said, “O Allah’s Apostle! Shall we see our Lord on the Day of Resurrection?” He said, “Do you crowd and squeeze each other on looking at the sun when it is not hidden by clouds?” They replied, “No, Allah’s Apostle.” He said, “Do you crowd and squeeze each other on looking at the moon when it is full and not hidden by clouds?” They replied, No, O Allah’s Apostle!” He said, “So you will see Him (your Lord) on the Day of Resurrection similarly Allah will gather all the people and say, ‘Whoever used to worship anything should follow that thing. ‘So, he who used to worship the sun, will follow it, and he who used to worship the moon will follow it, and he who used to worship false deities will follow them; and then only this nation (i.e., Muslims) will remain, including their hypocrites. Allah will come to them in a shape other than they know and will say, ‘I am your Lord.‘ They will say, ‘We seek refuge with Allah from you. This is our place; (we will not follow you) till our Lord comes to us, and when our Lord comes to us, we will recognize Him.

Then Allah will come to them in a shape they know and will say, “I am your Lord.‘ They will say, ‘(No doubt) You are our Lord,’ and they will follow Him. Then a bridge will be laid over the (Hell) Fire.” Allah’s Apostle added, “I will be the first to cross it. And the invocation of the Apostles on that Day, will be ‘Allahukka Sallim, Sallim (O Allah, save us, save us!),’ and over that bridge there will be hooks Similar to the thorns of As Sa’dan (a thorny tree). Didn’t you see the thorns of As-Sa’dan?” The companions said, “Yes, O Allah’s Apostle.” He added, “So the hooks over that bridge will be like the thorns of As-Sa-dan except that their greatness in size is only known to Allah. These hooks will snatch the people according to their deeds. Some people will be ruined because of their evil deeds, and some will be cut into pieces and fall down in Hell, but will be saved afterwards, when Allah has finished the judgments among His slaves, and intends to take out of the Fire whoever He wishes to take out from among those who used to testify that none had the right to be worshipped but Allah.